Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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