Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
