the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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