You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
