Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
