i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
