i just wanna soil my oats bro
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
