shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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