its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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