when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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