I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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