the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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