**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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