all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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