He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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