i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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