Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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