My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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