well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
