well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think your dad took our porno
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize