Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
