last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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