so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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