I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wish my penis had a tongue
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
