thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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