I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
