My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
