We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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