girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
