How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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