you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
