ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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