I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
