life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
