is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
