i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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