Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
