a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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