You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
