theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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