oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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