Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
