Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize