she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're like the curious george of whores
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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