youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
