I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
