Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
