I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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