i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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