she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
