You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
