Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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