We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
