the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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