You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
