i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't turn off my feet"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
