I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
