I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
