there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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