I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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