I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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