a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
being pregnant is like rehab
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
