Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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