I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
