You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
