clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
