I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
