Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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