I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize