Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
