how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
