I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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