she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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