I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i came on her dog
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
