Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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