Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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