You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
