no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
