you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
