why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
