I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
