Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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