i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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