I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is classic penis vs brain.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
