Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize