yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
