Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
